Outsmart your Stress
Here’s the thing about stress: it’s inevitable and we want to get rid of it. We’ve all tried in vain to control it, minimize it, and avoid it. But, stress is sneaky: fighting against it, wishing it away, or denying it only seems to give it more power over us. The path to overcoming stress is to develop a more adaptive way of relating to it—learning how to work with it, rather than against it.
Don’t let your mind bully your body into believing it must carry the burden of it’s worries.
—Astrid Alauda
Stress can not only lead to feelings of irritability, anxiety, depression, worry, overwhelm and fear, it can also have detrimental effects on our bodies. When you experience stress, the body produces stress hormones, such as cortisol and neurotransmitters such as epinephrine and norepinephrine. When these continue to surge through your body, you can go into a kind of hyperadrenaline overdrive, resulting in compromised immune function, fatigue, insomnia, tension, headaches, digestive issues, and cardiovascular issues.
When we are stressed, it is as though we’re drowning. We feel stuck, as if there’s no way out. There is a sense of being closed in, of not being able to breathe. There is no space and no air. Our body tightens and the slightest irritation triggers us. We may lash out or shut down, perpetuating the stressful struggle. Essentially, we pay for our stress with our emotional, mental and physical health.
One of my favorite Zen masters, poet, and peace activist, Thich Nhat Hanh, gives a brilliant and simple suggestion for dealing with stress: “Smile, breathe and go slowly”. Once we learn to attend to our experiences of stress—our thoughts, emotions, judgments and sensations—with flexibility and discernment, it will no longer have power over us. While we may not always be able to change the circumstances that causes us stress, we can use strategies that help us deal with stress in more adaptive ways.
“We have more possibilities available in each moment than we realize.”
—Thich Nhat Hanh
Here are four simple ways to deal with stress:
Accept painful emotions. Experiencing difficult or overwhelming emotions is a major factor in stress. Unfortunately, emotions have no on/off switch and cannot be easily controlled. Science shows that trying to suppress unwanted feelings can lead to more, not fewer, unwanted feelings. What we can control is how we respond to our feelings. This starts with letting go of attempts to control, avoid or suppress difficult emotions, and acknowledge our feelings. This doesn’t mean you have to like the painful feelings, or that you want them. Just trying to let them be here. Not fighting with them, not judging them as good or bad. Simply allowing them to be here, accepting them for what they are.
Here are a few steps you can take when difficult emotions arise:
Pause, and become aware of your breathing and any sensations in your body. Ask yourself where in your body you’re feeling this sensation, and what you’re feeling. Try staying with your sensation.
Name the emotion that is present, without identifying with it. For example: “There is fear”, or “I’m noticing there is fear”
Accept that the emotion is present and allow your experience to be there, as best you can, just as it is. Continue to be present with your experience, whatever it is. If this is too difficult, return your attention to your breath, and when you’re ready start again.
Ask yourself: “What do I need right now? What would be helpful for me in this moment?”
Do one thing at a time. When we are stressed, the tendency is to feel like we never have enough time, to rush from one task to the next, constantly doing several things at the same time, wanting to do it all, or get it all done at once. Single-task, don’t multi-task. Multi-tasking doesn’t work. Instead, try being here now. Practice doing one thing at a time. When you drink coffee, just drink coffee. When you shower, just shower.
Take perspective. We often get stressed about our perception of events rather than what is actually happening, and sometimes there’s nothing you can do about a stressful situation. It’s useful to step back, separate yourself from your stressors, and take a look at the bigger picture. One way to ‘step back’ is engaging in mental time travel. This involves imagining your future-self (e.g. in 6 months, 1 year, 5 years or 10 years from now)—and imagine being the best possible version of yourself, living your ideal life. Now ask yourself, what your future-self would say to your current self about the stress you’re experiencing at this moment? What advice might your future-self give your current self about how to handle your stress? How would your future-self stress rate your current stress?
Alternatively, you can time travel to your past-self. Remember a stressful situation in the past and ask yourself: How did I cope with a similar situation in the past? What was different then? How long did the stress last? How did I resolve the stress?
Practice Mindfulness. By choosing to be mindful throughout the day, you can bring greater focus and appreciation to whatever situation you find yourself in. You'll also feel more calm and at peace.
As you open your eyes in the morning, take a purposeful pause, and bring intention to notice your experience. Instead of jumping out of bed, take a few moments to notice your surroundings and do a mindful check-in of your bodily sensations, thoughts and emotions. Get a sense of how your body feels—is there any tension, are you anxious, relaxed, calm or neutral? If your mind is already thinking, planning and rehearsing for the day ahead, gently bring it back to the present moment.
When you’re in the shower, just be in the shower. Not thinking about the day ahead or solving problems. Just being in the shower, feeling the sensation of warm water on your skin, smelling the soap, listening to the sound of the water.
Set a daily intention. Think about what you care about. What really matters to you, given the tasks of your day? Where do you want to focus your energy and attention? How do you want to show up? Keep in mind that an intention is not a goal, rather an attitude or way of being you want to align yourself with throughout the day. Examples include setting an intention to be present, to speak kindly, to be compassionate, to listen openly to others, or to demonstrate patience and grace.
