5 Ways to Conquer Worry
How often do you spend time worrying about terrible things that might happen in the future? Do you tend to imagine the worst possible outcomes-about everything? Maybe you ‘awfulize’, a term coined by cognitive psychologist Dr. Albert Ellis, defined as imagining the worst-case scenario, or making an event or situation as bad as it could possibly be. Often fears are often unfounded, or as Mark Twain aptly put it, “I’ve lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened”.
So why do we get stuck in vicious loops of worry? In "Bad is stronger than good" psychologist Roy F. Baumeister explains that from an evolutionary perspective we are hardwired for negativity and respond more strongly to the negative than the positive. It makes sense to pay more attention to threats, as the potential cost of ignoring negative information (e.g. saber tooth tiger) far outweigh the potential benefits of positive information (e.g. a beautiful sunset). According to "Why Worry? The Cognitive Function of Anxiety”, worried thinking focuses on potential dangers or threats, primarily in the future, and can be thought of as an attempt to solve or avoid problems (e.g. preparing an individual for future challenges or threats). On the surface, this type of mental preparation seems helpful, and in the short run worrying may help you feel more prepared, face challenges, and respond adaptively. Unfortunately, when the mind constantly focuses on disastrous outcomes and potential threats without solutions, worry can become automatic, turning into a harmful mental habit, interfering with our problem-solving ability, and leaving us feeling drained, overwhelmed and anxious. Plus, research shows that over-worrying can trigger a cascade of stress hormones, evoking physical and emotional reactions that may cross into the domain of severe stress and anxiety. And, let’s be honest, most of what we worry about never actually happens, but lives only in our imaginations.
Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own unguarded thoughts. -Buddha
So, how do you conquer the worry habit?
Here are a 5 things that can help you step back from worry:
Catch yourself worrying. Just practice noticing if worry is present. Pay attention to your worrying thoughts. Try this simple, yet powerful technique proposed by Dr. Christopher Walsh called “just worrying”. Anytime worried thoughts show up, label them as “just worrying”. Over and over again. Not judging the worry, not struggling with the worry, simply mentally noting that you are “just worrying”. Then deliberately redirect your attention to something else. Practice this technique any time you notice that you are caught up in worry. This practice will help you learn to recognize unhelpful thoughts, label them, and remain more at ease.
Pay attention to the feelings underneath the worry. Drop below the thoughts into what you’re feeling. Sometimes we believe our only acceptable feelings should be good, happy, easy, pleasant and easy to understand. We criticize ourselves for having unpleasant emotions, which only makes us feel worse. In truth, we all experience unpleasant and difficult emotions at times. Practice noticing your feelings-not judging them as good or bad. Just letting them be.
Distinguish between helpful and harmful worry. Helpful worries can be put on a “to do list today”, are problems that can be addressed, and involve effective coping strategies. For example, if you’re worried about an upcoming presentation at work, it could be useful to spend time preparing for it in advance. In contrast, harmful worries tend to involve repetitive “what if” questions that remain unsolvable, or out of your control. Harmful worry is like ‘background noise’ that is too loud-it’s distracting and irritating. Practice turning down the volume by asking yourself if your worries are helpful or harmful. If they are harmful, try focusing your attention on something helpful.
Train yourself to accept uncertainty. It is impossible to control or know everything.
“Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security.”
~John Allen Paulos.
Accepting uncertainty, does not mean you have to like it- it is simply the willingness to recognize and accept things as they are. Ask yourself, “What are the advantages and disadvantages of accepting uncertainty?” Can you make room for uncertainty? Practice simply being with it, observing it, coming to terms with it. Trying not to impose ideas about how things “should” be, instead, reminding yourself to be open to the present moment and to what is.
Worry on purpose. Schedule a daily 20-minute “worry time”. Instead of distracting yourself from worry, learn to work with it. Postpone any worries to your designated time-if you notice worries, write them down and remind yourself that you will deal with them during your designated “worry time”. Use your “worry time” to write down your worries, then rate them on a scale from 1-3:
A worry you are completely capable of doing something about
A worry you could potentially do something about
A worry you are incapable of doing anything about
Once you’ve rated each worry, brainstorm possible solutions, evaluate each solution (e.g. pros and cons), and implement a solid plan to try your chosen solutions.
While excessive worry can feel like a vicious loop, it does not have to be permanent and you can break free. When you begin to understand how your mind works, you can begin to work with it. This involves paying attention to your thoughts and feelings, being willing to let go of harmful mind habits, and developing healthy alternatives to move you towards a more fulfilling life.
Just this.
